What happens is often we do not set boundaries around things we value. I believe that our boundaries directly link with what we value in life. Values (or our needs) play a role in how we form our behaviors and expectations of ourselves and our relationships. Think back to a time when you had a disagreement or misunderstanding with someone. Did you have difference in values?
Boundaries can include the physical, emotional and social lines that we establish for ourselves and how we interact with the world and others. Connecting to your values can help identify what is the most important thing that you need to feel happy, healthy and safe.
When we do not set clear boundaries with ourselves and our relationships, those who do not have clear expectations of themselves cross over into our boundaryless world. What happens? We have feelings of anger, resentment, hurt, frustration and so on that leads to distrust, defensiveness, anxiety and more.
How do we set boundaries? Boundaries can involve time, emotions, sexuality, physical space, material items, beliefs, religion and more. When we set clear boundaries, it can increase our self-efficacy, energy levels, autonomy and confidence.
Often, I think we believe that setting clear boundaries means we are mean, harsh or not a nice person. Which is far from true! It just means we have identified what we value, and we are remaining true to them.
Things to consider moving forward. What do you value the most in your life? How do you want to interact with the world? How do you expect others to interact with you?